Re: Garagehouse Pictures
Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 8:34 pm
Well, the first volume of Trailer Trauma is an entertaining collection of trailers for films I never want to see! After having seen so many from the first volume, I’ve only seen five of the films offered up here. None of those were any good, but at least the trailer for Captain Apache improves on the source by having Lee Van Cleef sing a song about his role in the movie!
While I’m pretty sure I never want to watch any movie represented here (well, maybe Fingers), I did jot down things of interest:
Some of these movies have amazing taglines and narration. My favorites:
“If you see it once, you see it forever!” - Sacrifice (one of the greatest taglines I’ve ever heard)
“Once a lovely young girl, now some blood stains on the wall” - Jack the Ripper
“A film beyond belief, even to the Devil himself” - the Demon Lover
“He was conceived in a grave and weened on human blood” - Grave of the Vampire (Also features a remarkable response from a pregnant mother to being told she needs an abortion)
“Starring Cameron Mitchell as Reinhart Rex, master of the mutants” - Mutant War (An incredible sentence and the world is a better place for it existing)
And there is no shortage of audacity, both real and manufactured. Take the Annihilators, which at first appears to be a racist film about white army dudes cleaning up the ghetto before transitioning to the kidnapping of a schoolbus of children by a machete-brandishing lunatic, this one has something to make everyone uncomfortable! Or the faux “with it”-ness of Kill, which starts with a twelve year old boy talking about his heroin addiction and ends with an embarrassed James Mason looking like he thought he had the Fernando Rey role in a French Connection equal. And Blood Sucking Freaks née the Incredible Torture Show reveals the only thing worse than an HG Lewis film is a fake HG Lewis film!
Strange or notable casting choices abound in these films. From Newhart’s Julia Duffy as a hippie teenager in the ghastly-looking "comedy" Wacko to a bald Ernie Hudson as the villanious rapist in Penitentiary II (which looks about ten years too late on the Blacksploitation market) to poor Stewart Granger as a Nazi (?) in Hell Hunters. Ralph Meeker gets a lot of mileage out of a bizarre reaction shot in the Alpha Incident trailer as well, though he’s overshadowed by another cast member’s inexplicable line, “The only time I stay in one spot this long is when I’m in bed with a chick or I’m sleepin!” My favorite celebrity appearance here though has to be Dabney Coleman as the crooked white cop trying to keep the black man down in Black Fist— love his 100% Dabney Coleman response to being called a pig!
And then there’s the ephemera, like how Beyond and Back appears to tell the story of the afterlife entirely in zoom pull shots, or how Mean Frank and Crazy Tony sets the record for the number of times two character names have been used in a single trailer. And of course Food of the Gods II (how did we all sleep on part one?!) adds yet another rat movie to the list of rat movies. And finally, there’s Homebodies, which in many ways is the perfect encapsulation of the entire trailer experience offered here: an interesting idea (here, old folks go up against gentrification by killing everyone who tries to reclaim their tenement building) executed with no apparent skill or prowess.
While I’m pretty sure I never want to watch any movie represented here (well, maybe Fingers), I did jot down things of interest:
Some of these movies have amazing taglines and narration. My favorites:
“If you see it once, you see it forever!” - Sacrifice (one of the greatest taglines I’ve ever heard)
“Once a lovely young girl, now some blood stains on the wall” - Jack the Ripper
“A film beyond belief, even to the Devil himself” - the Demon Lover
“He was conceived in a grave and weened on human blood” - Grave of the Vampire (Also features a remarkable response from a pregnant mother to being told she needs an abortion)
“Starring Cameron Mitchell as Reinhart Rex, master of the mutants” - Mutant War (An incredible sentence and the world is a better place for it existing)
And there is no shortage of audacity, both real and manufactured. Take the Annihilators, which at first appears to be a racist film about white army dudes cleaning up the ghetto before transitioning to the kidnapping of a schoolbus of children by a machete-brandishing lunatic, this one has something to make everyone uncomfortable! Or the faux “with it”-ness of Kill, which starts with a twelve year old boy talking about his heroin addiction and ends with an embarrassed James Mason looking like he thought he had the Fernando Rey role in a French Connection equal. And Blood Sucking Freaks née the Incredible Torture Show reveals the only thing worse than an HG Lewis film is a fake HG Lewis film!
Strange or notable casting choices abound in these films. From Newhart’s Julia Duffy as a hippie teenager in the ghastly-looking "comedy" Wacko to a bald Ernie Hudson as the villanious rapist in Penitentiary II (which looks about ten years too late on the Blacksploitation market) to poor Stewart Granger as a Nazi (?) in Hell Hunters. Ralph Meeker gets a lot of mileage out of a bizarre reaction shot in the Alpha Incident trailer as well, though he’s overshadowed by another cast member’s inexplicable line, “The only time I stay in one spot this long is when I’m in bed with a chick or I’m sleepin!” My favorite celebrity appearance here though has to be Dabney Coleman as the crooked white cop trying to keep the black man down in Black Fist— love his 100% Dabney Coleman response to being called a pig!
And then there’s the ephemera, like how Beyond and Back appears to tell the story of the afterlife entirely in zoom pull shots, or how Mean Frank and Crazy Tony sets the record for the number of times two character names have been used in a single trailer. And of course Food of the Gods II (how did we all sleep on part one?!) adds yet another rat movie to the list of rat movies. And finally, there’s Homebodies, which in many ways is the perfect encapsulation of the entire trailer experience offered here: an interesting idea (here, old folks go up against gentrification by killing everyone who tries to reclaim their tenement building) executed with no apparent skill or prowess.
