Horror month continues on mercilessly
Black Magic Rites (Renato Polselli 1973) I have to confess: this is the film that finally let me give Jess Franco a small amount of credit, as he had nothing to do with it and it’s somehow worse than anything I’ve seen by him.
Body Snatchers (Abel Ferrara 1993) It takes real effort to make a bad body snatchers movie, and hats off to this movie for pulling it off. While stylishly shot, the film is empty and pointless. Why would anyone adapt this material and then remove everything about it that gives it such staying power? There’s no escalating threat, there’s no paranoia, and there’s nothing driving the narrative forward. It’s all one big zero balanced on a few halfway memorable moments that were somehow enough to convince everyone involved to waste their time and talents in making this a movie.
the Case of the Bloody Iris (Anthony Ascott 1972) This giallo really throws everything at the wall: black butt-kicking stripper, ex-cult member, burn victim shut-in, and even the titular plot device apparently has no connection with the actual killer’s reveal. It’s weird, I’ll give it that— but only that.
Cat’s Eye (Lewis Teague 1985) Three part anthology of Stephen King adaptations and original works. The worst comes first with the James Woods-fronted
Quitters, Inc, which has a novel idea— the mafia offers smokers a Murder, Inc approach to quitting the habit— but literally does nothing with it. There’s no resolution here, which is fine because there’s no story to resolve. This segment also tries to be funny with a lengthy hallucination (and some bargain basement cover songs) that is a mistake of the highest order. Speaking of high, the middle and best (by far) sequence finds a high roller offering his wife’s lover a wager: either go to jail for a fake drug rap, or walk all the way around my hotel on the ledge and I’ll give you money and my wife. A great premise and the way it plays out is deliciously EC Comics-inspired— really this feels like a left-over from King’s
Creepshow ode to
Tales From the Crypt et al, and it’s a nice (though less histrionic) supplement to that film more than anything. The final segment, linked to the others by a cat, is a silly breath-stealing troll versus cat showdown that has some impressive effects even now (as does the ledge segment) but doesn’t add up to much. I liked this one best as a kid though, so maybe it plays better for younger viewers— the others are definitely geared at adults though! Can’t recommend, but worth watching the middle segment at least once in your life.
the Dead Pit (Brett Leonard 1989) A young amnesiac is institutionalized in an insane asylum that helpfully provides her with mini bikini bottoms and a crop top for after hours attire in this slasher for an hour and zombie film for the last forty minutes. So the inherent value here is you get two films you don’t want to watch. Soon our protagonist finds herself facing off against an undead trepanning aficionado who eventually summons all of his past victims to rise again and attempt to make the film interesting. Like most movie villains, he fails.
the House of Seven Corpses (Paul Harrison 1974) John Ireland’s film director wrangles his cast and crew while filming in John Carradine’s historical murder house. Nothing supernatural or otherwise happens until the last ten minutes or so, though I did enjoy how the film kept teasing the fake death scenes being real over and over. Not terrible but completely disposable.
the Nightcomers (Michael Winner 1971) I know this prequel to
the Turn of the Screw is not well-regarded, but I have no strong attachment to James’ source text and think this film’s twisted and unusually amorphous morality makes for a more disturbing experience. Marlon Brando plays a part much stronger than his detractors allow: He’s a shiftless sexual predator who enjoys the captive audience and eager ears provided by the two young, mostly unsupervised kids running around a large, mostly empty estate. If you ever felt the anxiety of kids learning the wrong lessons from things you say metaphorically or jokingly, this is the film for you!
The Nightcomers is a surprisingly deviant film in its moral compass, and there are moments here that are profoundly disturbing, like the sequences in which the two children begin to imitate the various sexual and physical liaisons between Brando and the governess in their play. The film plays with the elephant in the room of inescapable tragedy and the movie achieves a superbly unpleasant tenseness and unease throughout. Highly recommended.
the Others (Alejandro Amenábar 2001) Another welcome treat, given that I wasn’t sure how much enjoyment I’d get out of this after having the basic twist spoiled for me long ago. But I’m not sure the twist is all that subtle anyways, and the film operates on sustained atmosphere and Nicole Kidman’s impeccably-coiffed performance. Recommended.
Practical Magic (Griffin Dunne 1998) Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are two witchy sisters who encounter more than their share of supernaturally-enabled romances in this unexpectedly enjoyable piece of fluff. Filmed with a Barry Sonnenfeld-esque candy-coated lens like the empty yet delicious Halloween candy it is, the movie is often silly and not remotely logical or likely, but I liked how the film normalized witchcraft in a way that is closer to veganism than summoning powers against the laws of nature and man. The movie’s a doofy romantic comedy and sisterhood celebration and is sooooo much better than I thought it was going to be going into it. Recommended (!).
Rabid (David Cronenberg 1976) Marilyn Chambers gets plastic surgery after a motorcycle accident and somehow ends up with an anus in her armpit that hides a bloodsucking, rabies-like disease-carrying stinger. Oh-kay. There are some effective passages here and there and the film is vibrantly Canadian, but the entire movie rests on a premise that is missing a crucial causation element explaining
how any of this happened in the first place. If Cronenberg couldn’t be bothered to even attempt to explain how Chambers came to her condition, why should I be bothered to care? That said, I do think this would be a fun Halloween costume:
the Sentinel (Michael Winner 1977) The production staff seemingly spent all their money on getting name brand Hollywood stars to show up for ten minutes and were left holding the bag on the rest of this unbelievably awful piece of shit. I’ve liked Chris Sarandon in other movies but he gives one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen, though so many good actors are so bad in this (only Burgess Meridith and Ava Gardner come out of this okay) that I think a lot of that boils down to poor direction on Winner’s part. Scream Factory's Blu-ray has three commentary tracks-- I assume that's because it takes four and a half hours to fully apologize for this movie.
Strange Behavior (Michael Laughlin 1981) Shot in New Zealand but set in Illinois, this slasher finds high schoolers coming down with a case of Being a Slasher Movie Villain-itis after volunteering for clinical research at a local college’s Nazi-founded science department. Shot in ‘Scope for no reason, this, like most slasher movies, is a mess. Nearly every scene is timed incorrectly in how the characters interact, and I suspect the director was too intimidated by Michael Murphy to give him direction or even ask for another take. A few meager bits of novelty pop up here and there, but this is low man on the slasher totem pole regardless.
Vampyres (Jose Ramon Larraz 1974) I can’t wait to never see another “erotic” Euro horror movie ever again.
Waxwork / Waxwork II: Lost in Time (Anthony Hickox 1988/1991) A group of college students find themselves fumbling into David Warner’s waxwork tableaus, instantly transporting themselves into horror story situations in which once they are brutally murdered, their corpses become part of the wax display. Hickox has a lot of fun with this by giving us three entertaining and dryly comic tableaus in the first hour, with the clear best being the vampire one set in a gothic castle out of a romance novel cover. A young girl finds herself invited to dinner and is served a bowl of bloody flesh. “You… like… raw meat... don’t you?" the host prods— and that’s
before the special sauce is added! This segment takes a left-turn into Tarantino-anticipating insanity once our heroine enters a white tile room and the audience soon realizes that while it’s unlikely a castle would ever have such decor, it’s only there to not stay white for long!
While things start well, Hickox rapidly cycles through his best ideas and the last act is less inspired and more conventional, though it retains its droll humor throughout.
Waxwork is of a piece with movies like
Night of the Creeps that combined comedy and horror without tipping the scales into full-on lampoonery, and this strikes me as the kind of movie Arrow keeps trying to reclaim with little success-- and now Vestron’s new label beat them to the punch!
Bringing back Zach Galligan from the first film but replacing the boring last girl with a supermodel-looking “plain” girl, the sequel is a mess. Hickox already didn’t have enough ideas to stretch across the first film, so it’s no surprise a second movie ends up grasping at straws. Now our protagonists are in search of evidence supporting the actions of the first film, as the girl is on trial for a murder committed by a zombie hand let loose from the waxworks. So they go tumbling through time and end up in what’s described as “God’s Nintendo,” in which God and the Devil battle out Good vs Evil within different scenarios.
What this
really means, however, is that the characters move from horror movie property to horror movie property a la
Stay Tuned, and it struck me how much more successful the film would have been if it had just admitted that’s what it wanted to do instead of confusing the issue. The sequel is far broader and more comic, which sometimes works, but the narrative frequently feels forced and low-stakes as a result. The best parody here tackles
the Haunting (which, somehow, the Blu-ray.com reviewer couldn’t even recognize), jokingly playing with the framing of Wise’s film… but also including an endless Bruce Campbell cameo, so even that ends up a wash.
The first film gets a solid Recommendation, but no need to bother with the sequel unless you really want to see what John Ireland was reduced to in his waning years.